Everything has changed. Divorce brings change. A new home, new surroundings, new furniture and dishes, routines, even the way you drive to work and through town. Everything seems changed. While we may welcome it, we need normal.
I was feeling quite overwhelmed by the chaos. I needed to let the pressure out of my head and feel a sense of normality. My adrenal glands were working overtime to keep harmony in my body. The words “calm down” kept repeating in my head. Not that I was freaking out, but inside I felt like I was buzzing. I literally needed to calm down. I needed normal. Just for a few hours.
This is a pivotal place. We can seek normal through alcohol, drugs and other poor habits. Which will create a new addictive normal. We don’t want that! That introduces more problems. We want normal in healthy, duplicatable ways.
Instead of seeking everyday “normal” we are going to seek just a few moments of normal. It’s not so much that we want life the way it was right? We want to feel grounded, loved and safe. We can create that for ourselves in little moments. Little moments of normal will help us feel safe until we have everyday new normal.
You see, our brain can handle transition and change. In the background it is still trying to keep us safe. Too much unfamiliar and new, can cause fear and resistance. We want to soothe our brain and let it know, everything is going to be alright. So let’s give it some familiar experiences.
Here are some suggestions:
Hang out with a good friend. Laugh, talk, inspire, have fun, connect! Go have coffee, go to a movie, whatever the activity, connect.
I am not a big movie watcher. I usually fall asleep. But…when I need normal, I can watch a comedy and laugh my butt off. Laughing feels normal.
Visit a place that you love or enjoy. Maybe it’s in nature or camping. Perhaps it’s a museum, landmark or quiet spot in the middle of town. Where is that place, you could visit to remember normal?
Music! Listen to music! If you haven’t yet made a playlist of your favorite all time music, start now. Start gathering your favorite music through your phases as a child, teenager, adult. Music takes us to normal instantly. Make your list and spend a few hours listening to YOUR music.
Most important in creating “normal” moments is to know you’re loved. I hope as you spend time with friends, watching movies, visiting places and jamming to your favorite music, that it leads you to know the familiar feeling, that you are loved. I love you. Everything will work out. You will be ok. Trust that. Trust you.