Do you remember the last time you felt disappointed? Do you remember how it felt? How did you deal with your feelings around the disappointment? It seems the bigger the thing we are wanting the more it hurts when we are denied. No one I know likes to be told no. We like the “yes’s” of life!
Yesterday I got a big NO! Ugggh! I have published my book Now What? A Guide To Thriving After Divorce as an ebook on Amazon. In the past 6 months, I have been seeking to print in with it’s beautiful cover on paper. Feeling those pages with my words is a visceral desire. I want it to happen. It’s part of my soul that I want to share with the world. In searching out a publisher that can help, I got another no. Who knew getting a book printed was so challenging. What were those first feelings and thoughts last night? You know, the feelings with words that are purely reaction and pure instinct? No thought around them. You know, the feeling and mean words that gigantically erupt? My past programming just spills out in these moments. Mine were “I suck”, “I knew it”, “I shouldn’t have even tried”, “I am not good enough, yet”. Sound familiar? Do you say this too?
All these low level thoughts followed by a deep sorrow as if to anchor them in as truth. But something happened that I hadn’t been aware of yet. While my face was red with anger and my stomach felt like it had been punched, my heart wouldn’t allow such meanness in. Deeper, below the place where these reaction came, possibly where we find truth, second thoughts came in gently. I couldn’t stop the first feelings anymore than I could stop a volcano. They just erupt! The second thoughts came in like cool water. They came from a place of truth to help and contradict my past programming. It was similar to a volcano erupting into an ocean of cool ocean water. Red hot feelings cooled in moments. I allowed those second feelings and words to soothe me. What were they?
“I am glad I tried.”
“Now I know more than I did before.”
“It took courage to try. I had courage.”
As I let those words rest on my heart, I gained some wisdom. The universe had cradled me knowing I was vulnerable enough to teach me an important message. It taught me a new definition of disappointment. Disappointment is not seeing the results of what we expect. I expected the publisher to print my book. When delving into something new, we base our expectation on our experience so it makes sense. The outcome should be different from my past experiences. I mean, that why it’s something “new”. Right? Disappointment is not bad. It certainly could be interpreted as such because it hurts. My disappointment was a door wide open to consider a different outcome that was previously unknown to me. The first feelings were the past programming crashing to the ground like broken glass. Disappointment was making space for the opportunity for success outside of my past experiences. Whew! That felt like a big lesson.
In a matter of minutes I went from low to high! Better than any rollercoaster! I felt launched to a new place of thinking, considering and asking, “where is the opportunity?”. Now when I am asking, what, when, where, why, who, I do so knowing that the opportunity is different than before. Unfamiliar and ready to be discovered.
My disappointment crashed my old thoughts and opened new opportunity. Perhaps the next time you feel the pain of disappointment ask, Is there a door busting open? Am I being shown a different way to look at a situation? How can I ask better questions about who, what, when, where why, what? Is this an opportunity? I bet it is.
